Monday, October 26, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
I envy some people. Some pregnant, expectant women.
1) They are glowing.
I don't know how they do it. Supplements? Facial routines? But it sucks when I am the only one to have oily skin with dark spots and really obvious dark circles under my eyes. Not to mention I have skin problems, particularly acne behind my back and really sensitive legs and foots. The once clear skin now infected with little red spots that are itchy and scars everywhere. It's frustrating because I can't wear sandals without them visible to others.
This one gets to me deeply. Like heart wrenching sadness - deep. Because I prevent myself from craving weird stuff I used to when I was pregnant with previous children. I HAVE TOO.
Like.. I really want to go back to the exotic stall in the middle of a felda somewhere near Selangor or Perak, I think. Landak, rusa and such.
I really want to devour something from a specific place but won't be able to.
I avoid looking at foodie blogs and IGs. I skipped friends' timeline so that I don't drool at their luncheons and dinners and desserts.
For me, it's really heartbreaking. Because I'm an eater. I love food.
I really am happy when friends told me they brought their loved ones to eat whatever at where ever because it shows they really love their spouses, and their unborn child. I don't have that privilege. I don't have enough money.
I just need to suck it up, and deal with it.
Baby, you understand mommy right? If I am selfish I might get to eat them all. But I am not. You have brothers and sisters that I have to take care of, financially & emotionally & physically.
Pity, when this (pregnancy) is not a one side game but you have to deal with it alone.
Is this a disease that one afraid to touch and to fond and ...
4) The appointments
It's annoying when husbands loitering in clinics and hospitals to accompany their wives. Because I don't have one. Always the same old excuses. When you doesn't matter. I get that.
But what if someone wants to do that but I can't?
Women always need attention, even when they're asleep. They love cuddles and minor sweet gestures all the time. Especially in pregnancy.
Not only when she knows you need something, and she won't even get the same treatment back.
Again, suck it up, and deal with it.
I read a lot during this pregnancy. I have to admit I am depressed.
Even more now, for reasons I can't really tell you.
The lack of sleep nowadays, and after delivery (breastfeeding and all) will surely adding more to the mix.
I have more to tell, but am in the verge of tears.
So until then, peeps.
Conclusion : One (really depressed) woman show.
at 4:14 AM